Nurturing A Secure Attachment With Your Dog: The Person's End Of The Leash
How you feel about your dog is important. It sets the tone for everything and can make or break your dog guardianship experience. Here are some actionable tips to help you nurture a secure attachment with your dog!
Shifting your mindset can completely change the game in your relationship with your dog. We need to recognize that dog's are an entirely different species than us and are often struggling to fit into our human-centric world. They have different social norms, wants, needs, life experiences, and genetic drives. They communicate solely through their behavior. Their behavior is all they have.
Consider that jumping, barking, growling, pulling, digging, counter surfing, chasing, ect.. are completely normal behaviors for a dog. Sitting when told, walking on a leash, not barking, not chasing critters, staying on a mat among distractions, ect.. are not normal behaviors for dogs. If they were, we wouldn't have to teach them!
These behaviors that so many people have been taught to value and expect of their dogs are completely unnatural for them and when they don't do them, we get frustrated, and we see them as defiant without looking deeper into the "why's" or evaluating our expectations in the first place. They can degrade our relationship with our dog as we become more frustrated and pressured to have the "perfect" obedient dog (whatever that means). They are largely human-centric without much consideration for the dog's needs. Humans can be incredibly judgmental and selfish when it comes to the behavior of others. When we can acknowledge that what we're asking of our dogs is difficult for them simply because they're dogs, we can come at behavior that we feel we need to change in a more empathetic way, or we can accept the behavior as is and learn to live with it. Both are acceptable choices despite what you've been told by society.
There is no "good" or "bad" behavior. It's all just behavior, even if we don't like it. Somewhere along the way, within the boom of the pet care industry, we lost these considerations. The pet market has sold us lies that all dogs should do "this" or shouldn't do "that". They've sold us made-up recipes for the "perfect" well-behaved dog devoid of any consideration for your furry friend. Reject these arbitrary rules. Your wants and needs for your dog are yours and yours alone! Unfortunately, the dog training industry in the US is completely unregulated and trainers pushing arbitrary rules onto unsuspecting pet owners is still rampant. This kind of pressure puts much strain on your relationship with your dog. I have seen this firsthand with my own clients. Find a trainer who isn't going to push you to work on things you don't care about. Release yourself from pressure and just enjoy your dog with this new understanding of their doggness. I promise you'll feel better about your dog once you do!
2. Accept your dog for who they are.
Each dog has their own learning history, environmental factors that affect them, genetics, and self (L.E.G.S). They are each unique and have their own life experience just like us. Accept and love your dog's individual quirks and preferences. Find joy in what makes them different!
3. Prioritize self-care & take a break from your dog when you need to.
Working through adolescence or a tough behavior "issue" is draining and you cannot pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your dog. Whatever self-care means to you, make time for it! Build it into your weekly routine. You also do not need to feel bad about taking a break from your dog if you need to. Taking care of yourself does not make you any less of a dog guardian. You can get a walker to take your dog while you do something that fills your cup. You can send your dog to daycare for the day if they enjoy that. Take a weekend vacation without your dog. Go on a date with your partner. Yes, your dog is important, but so are you!
4. Take breaks from working on hard things with your dog & find activities that you both enjoy doing together!
I'll say it again. Working through behavior "issues" or even basic behaviors that you've identified as important to you can be tough. Consistency is important, yes, but taking breaks is equally as important for both you and your dog. Find activities you can do together that fill both of your cups. It could be some form of play, a dog sport, at-home nose work, kayaking, hiking, cuddling on the couch, or my personal favorite, an off-leash SniffSpot!
I know some things are easier said than done. If you're struggling to implement any of these tips, consider hiring a qualified trainer who understands this subject to help you. Reach out to me if you are struggling with separation anxiety and your relationship with your dog. I take clients from all over the world! If your dog doesn't display separation anxiety, but you want help with your relationship, I recommend reaching out to a Licensed Family Dog Mediator. Sometimes due to our own traumas, we can struggle in our relationships with our dogs. Consider reaching out to a therapist to help you address anything that is holding you back. There is no harm or shame in getting help! 💕
In this series of secure attachment posts, we've mentioned understanding and meeting the dog's needs quite a bit. This deserves its own elaboration in its own post that you can read here!
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