What do we mean by "secure attachment" anyway?
"Secure attachment refers to a bond where individuals feel safe, supported, and connected, enabling them to express emotions freely, seek comfort from their partner, and confidently explore their environment knowing they have a reliable base to return to." - Misha Jan (Carleton University)
So why does this matter so much in our relationships with our dogs?
"Dogs have been shown to develop attachment bonds with humans. This relationship allows them to interact securely with their environment in the presence of the owner and show less distress in response to threatening events... Owner attitudes have been connected to dog behavior and stress, insecure human–dog relationships may be related to poor stress coping in dogs, thereby compromising welfare and contributing to relinquishment... Additionally, owners who are predisposed to view their interactions with their dog as negative may be more likely to fall victim to such miscommunication and then consider relinquishment." (Payne E, Bennett PC, McGreevy PD. Current perspectives on attachment and bonding in the dog-human dyad. Psychol Res Behav Manag. 2015)
Building a secure attachment with your dog is crucial to their well-being and yours! It is possible, even if you and your dog are carrying baggage from past relationships. Everything becomes easier when we focus on the relationship. It might not treat your dog's separation anxiety outright but it can make the process easier and prevent future behavior issues. Additionally, it can make the need for formal training in other parts of their lives decrease just by focusing on this! Training is not the only way to get a nice well-behaved dog 😉 Think deeper.
Now that you know what it is, how can you foster that secure attachment from your dog's point of view? As humans, we get so caught up in our own feelings and perceptions that we sometimes forget to consider things from the dog's point of view. It's so incredibly important to dig deeper and really consider their side too if we want to give them the best lives possible! Here are some actionable tips that you can implement right now to get your relationship back on track.
1. Consistently meet their needs: Yes, this can absolutely mean things like enrichment & exercise but I would encourage you to look even deeper into less obvious needs. This subject really deserves its own post, so more on this in
next week's post!
2. Be responsive to your dog's communication: Your dog is constantly communicating with you. Any behavior or lack thereof is communication, even if it's undesirable to us. Stop and ask yourself "What is the function of this behavior?" "Are they trying to communicate something here?" "Is there a need that I can meet to mitigate this behavior?"
I encourage everyone to seek
education on canine body language so they can better understand their dogs and respond empathetically. We so often expect our dogs to understand us when we haven't made any effort to understand them. Being responsive includes removing or protecting your dog from situations that you know they can't handle or situations that you see they're uncomfortable in. We need to really listen to our dogs so they know we have their backs! Be their advocate! Behavior often escalates when less obvious communication is ignored.
3. Avoid the use of punishment: Always lead with compassion and empathy. Be proactive in setting your dog up for success. Punishment is incredibly detrimental to your relationship with your dog. It's the killer of secure attachment styles. It teaches them that you can be scary and unpredictable. Punishment has many potential negative side effects beyond your relationship with your dog. This has been
researched and heavily documented in the scientific community. It is widely accepted by modern dog trainers that it is entirely unnecessary and can hinder progress with your dog. Everything that dogs do they do because they're dogs. It does not make sense to punish dogs for simply being dogs that are doing their best to navigate our foreign world. They are simply trying to survive, communicate, and meet their own needs. Be their guide, not their dictator.
4. Learn how to clearly communicate with your dog: Take a fun training class from a qualified force-free trainer to help you build your communication skills. We humans can be incredibly confusing to dogs when we are sloppy with our communication. This goes beyond training too! Name things and activities consistently so you can quite literally talk to your dog and they know what you're saying. Name meal time, walk time, car ride time, playtime, toy, tug time, bones, etc.. Name it all! The average dog can learn up to 250 words and can pick out those words when used in phrases too.
5. Be predictable: You want your dog to know that you are not going to have random (to them) punitive outbursts. You want them to know that you have their back and you're going to advocate for their needs so they don't have to. Keeping a predictable routine and naming things in their world are beneficial so they know what to expect and when!
6. Be their support system & safety net: PLEASE, calmly comfort your dog when they're scared. Get them out of the situation if you can. Contrary to popular myth, comforting your dog will not "reinforce their fear". This myth does a great disservice to your dog and the relationship. In fact, the science supports that the opposite is true! When you comfort your dog their cortisol levels decrease. You want your dog to come to you for help when they are scared instead of running away because they know you won't help them.
Reading this is your first step in healing or building your relationship with your dog. Your dog thanks you for going out of your way to learn about them! You got this!!
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